Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Now What

So, it's been 30 days (see http://prayerlogue.blogspot.com/2010/01/time-of-preparation.html ) and now I'm feeling like John the Baptist. (Matthew 11:3ff and Luke 7:18ff)

Did I really hear God? Is this really what He wants me to do? I'm cold, I'm hungry, I'm tired, and I'm depressed. (However, I don't think I'm awaiting beheading... maybe not...)

I've been fasting ("daytime" fasts) for 30 days now, and I'm discouraged. Like John, I want, I need to know if I "heard" correctly. I was so sure when I started. And indeed, for the first week I seemed to hear God more clearly in scripture... but now...

Now, I'm back to the same ole struggle. Just what am I supposed to be doing? Where's the door? If God really wants me to serve, then where's the door?

I'm discouraged over our church and our denomination. But, there's nothing I can do about it.

I've told our children over and over, "Just pray about (whatever) God will show you an answer..." And I do believe that... in my heart.

"Lord I believe, help Thou my unbelief..." and forgive me.

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Blogger hnb said...

I am sorry you are struggling and have a feeling of hopelessness.I can relate.

I encourage you to keep up what you are doing. If a door is not open, maybe it's a window or crack. Sometimes it's not what we think we should be looking for.

If you still feel discouraged over your denomination (umc?)check out umc.org where there are so many uplifting stories about what churches are doing and the denomination.

I read you fast a lot. There is a Lenten challenge for those who fast to give the money saved to help others in Cote d'Ivoire. (amplifyhope.org).

There are things you can do as you continue to seek guidance.

10:46 AM  

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