Sunday, September 25, 2005

I don't feel like praying...

This was written a few days ago. I couldn't even bring myself to post it then...


Oh Lord, I need to pray, but I don’t feel like praying.
I need to read my bible, but I don’t feel like reading my bible.
I am so tired.
When I set out to pray, my mind goes blank.
When I pick up my bible, the words just jumble together in a heap.

I need to just close my eyes and imagine your arms holding me.
Bear me up Lord. Carry me along.
Let me hear Your soothing “mothering” noises that comforted me as a child.

Let me pick up my bible and just read the “underlined” passages. Let me hear words that have spoken to me in my past. Let my “history” lead me through my present and on into my future.

Remind us Lord, when we read Your word in good times, to let it be as refreshing rains that fill reservoirs. So that in times of “drought” (or is that “doubt”?) we can draw from our reserve.

I once wrote a poem that said, “A woman gives, and gives, and gives;
then has to give some more.
Not only must I meet my needs, I need a reservoir.”

And I do. Today especially, I do.

Thank You Lord for comfort.
Thank You, that as the song says,
“Though my body is weary, my soul is uplifted
My sins are forgiven, and my Jesus is real!”

Thank You, that as I don’t feel like praying - You listen anyway…

Betty J. Newman © September 22, 2005


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