Between Me and Heaven

Who’s between me and heaven, now?

It’s funny how your mind works;
the conflict between logic,
knowledge,
and fantasy.

As a Christian,
I understand that “God has no grandchildren”
and that each individual must stand
before the Throne of God
for himself.

I also know,
intellectually,
that “mortality” has no age,
and that a grandparent can outlive a child.

But,
on the purely fanciful and imaginary side,
the mind creates “layers”
between heaven and earth;
between life and death;
between now and then;
between my grandparents,
my parents
and me.

And in “logical” order, each passed from the scene
one grandparent,
then two,
then three,
then all;
then, my Mother,
and now my Dad.

Now
all the “layers” have been peeled away
and I stand peering at the sky and ask,
“who’s between me and heaven now?”

Logically I know,
that no one ever has been,
but emotionally,
I feel the door of heaven closer.

It’s a strange feeling to have no parent around,
no link to my past,
no tie to my roots.

It’s been a good while
since my parents were responsible for me
(I’ve been a caregiver a long time now)
but they were always there
“between me and heaven”
in the “chronological” scheme of things.

But, not anymore.

The line has moved
and I am standing at the turnstile
all by myself
with ticket firmly in hand, and I see -
there is no one between heaven and me,
anymore…


Betty J. Newman ©January 2006