When God's Peace Scares Me

We have just received word that dear friend, a man of God, has been in a serious accident.

Of course, my immediate response is to pray.

First of all, I feel a sickness in the pit of my stomach - a fear - he may not make it. He has a young family - Oh God!

And I pray more…

Then a peace washes over me - a calmness - an understanding if you will, of God’s perfectness, of His Divine Will and perfect plan.

And I know, everything’s going to be ok. But now that scares me.

How can God’s peace scare me? What if it means that we still have to trust God, even in the midst of pain and suffering? What if it means God is saying, “You know that I am perfect.”

What if… I don’t know.

All I know is, God has given me peace.
And now, I pray for peace for them.

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I wrote that about midnight last night. And at 1:30am I heard that he had died.

And I feel - what?
Is it peace or just numbness?
I don’t know.
And that scares me…

Who do I think I am, that I hear God? That I’ve got this big deal “gift of the Spirit”?

Right now, I ain’t got nothing…

Betty